Two hands making a heart shape by connecting their thumb and fingers together

W is for Want: Relationship A-Z

Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work to be together – Unknown.

It may sound obvious but both people need to want to make the relationship work and both need to be willing to put the effort in to make it a success. It can not all be on one person. Sometimes one of the people may not even realise that their heart is no longer in the relationship as they are on autopilot. It is important to make sure that you are both on the same page, no matter how painful it may be to find out the truth. 

Both of you must want the relationship to work.

If one person in the relationship doesn’t really want to be there then no amount of effort will make things work out. You both need to want to make it work. Sometimes, people stay in unhappy relationships as it is easier than facing the reality of the situation. You may have invested a great deal of time, money and emotions which can be hard to let go of. There could be children involved too and you may not want your children to come from a broken home. Leaving a long term relationship can be a terrifying thought!

Couple not holding hands, not wanting the relationship

  • You may need to move out of the shared home and not know where you will be able to live.
  • If you have a mortgage together then there are financial complications to consider.
  • You may be worried that you would not have access to seeing your children or if you are the main carer of the children, you may be worried that the other party will not commit to keeping contact with the children.
  • If you are a stay-at-home parent and the relationship ends, you may be scared of where you will stand financially and how you will juggle working and raising your children by yourself.
  • You may be scared of being harshly judged if you end the relationship or of people saying ‘I told you so’.
  • Some people do not want to be alone and would rather be in an unhappy relationship than on their own.
  • The thought of eventually having to start again with a new partner can be really scary and fear of no one wanting you, so dying alone can be petrifying!

The problem is, no matter how scared you may be, you are not only making yourself unhappy but also your partner by staying in a relationship which you do not actually want to be in. 

Both of you must be willing to put the effort in.

Once you are sure that you both want to be in the relationship then you need to make sure that you are both willing to put the work in. Long term relationships are hard and they need work in order to maintain the love and happiness, but it is well worth any effort involved. 

When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it is time to let go – Unknown

A couple looking at the sea in each others arms and heart shaped red and pink balloonsThis post is part of the blog series – the A-Z of a healthy and happy relationship. Take a look at some of the other posts in this series for more advice for achieving a healthy and happy relationship. Only three more letters to go before I complete the whole A-Z! 

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