V is for Valuing

Respect peoples feelings. Even if it does not mean anything to you, it could mean everything to someone – Unknown.

What are values?

Values can also be described as internal beliefs. We develop them as we grow, first from our parents and then from our friends and wider society. They are not set in stone so they can be changed or swayed. Often we do not even realise what our values are. They lie below the surface guiding us in our choices and decisions. When in a long term relationship it is important that you understand what your own values are and each other’s values too. 

Conflicting values

Not all values have to be the same for the relationship to work, but often there are some deal-breakers. For example; most people value life and agree that murder is wrong and should be punished. However, the value of staying true to one partner may not be shared by everyone. For some, they value the right to do as they please with whomever they like and have multiple partners. These values clash and therefore, it would be unlikely that a healthy and happy relationship would last if each partner had these opposing views. 

If you are a person who values and respects the laws in our society then it is unlikely that you would have a good long-lasting relationship with someone who has no regard for rules and the law and routinely breaks the law. However, a person could value art and literature and still have a successful relationship with a person who has no value for those things as they are not deal-breaker issues. It depends on the individual and how much they value the issue in question. 

Couple, Kiss, Together, Kissing, Romance, valuing each other in their relationship

Valuing each other

How much a person values being in a relationship can be difficult if one person values this more than the other. This links in with a person’s expectations which I discussed before. Often a person’s expectations for a relationship are linked to their personal values. This is why it is so important to have honest discussions about these types of things as early as you can in the relationship. 

Darren and I both came from homes where our parents did not stay together. My mum and dad were never married and broke up when I was still a baby, Darren’s parents were married but divorced when he was a teenager. Therefore we both value marriage and family and want better for our children. This is really good that we are both on the same page as it has helped us to stay together and work through the hard times rather than run away at the first sign of trouble. 

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values – Dalai Lama.

A couple looking at the sea in each others arms and heart shaped red and pink balloonsThis post is part of the blog series – the A-Z of a healthy and happy relationship

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