I was saddened by this picture.
In July 2012 this picture was taken at our local hospital where I was misdiagnosed with emphysema. The doctor was very stern with me (actually he was quite rude) telling me that I had not looked after myself and if I carried on as I was then I would not see aged 40.
Luckily I was later told that I do not have emphysema but I should use the experience as a warning to make some positive changes to my life so that I do not end up with emphysema or worse later on in life.
At the moment this picture was taken I was so scared that I was going to die young and miss seeing my kids grow up. I felt like the worst mother/person in the world for letting myself get in such a state. I promised myself that I would change, I promised myself that I would never let myself go like that again.
And now we come to why I am so saddened by that picture. The truth is that we are now in January 2014 and nothing has changed at all. All the promises I made myself were so quickly forgotten, all my positive changes and determination disappeared as soon as I realised that I did not have emphysema. I look at that photograph now and I am filled with sadness as I realise that in 18 months I have done nothing to change. I have tried to give up smoking on numerous occasions but I have not succeeded. I am still overweight and I still do no exercise.
I am saddened to think that I am not doing what needs to be done to ensure that I have many more years with my precious children who I love more then life itself. I am saddened to think that I am not only letting myself down with all of my internal excuses but I am also letting down my children and my husband and my extended family.
Today is the day that things are going to change. No more excuses anymore! Today is the day that I will give up smoking and 2014 is the year that I will implement positive changes to get my life back and my health under control.
** I wrote this post on January 20th and although early days I have not had a single cigarette since the 19th. **