All my life I have battled with my weight and even when I was actually really slim, in my head I was huge, so I never enjoyed it. As I edge closer to 40 by the day and we have had more time to think about life with the pandemic and lockdown, I realised what an idiot I have been!
Other people’s rules
I have spent so much of my life worrying what other people think and following someone else’s social rules. Fat people should cover up at all times. Women should not wear red lipstick. Shorts are for skinny people. When in public do not do anything to draw attention to yourself. Only speak when spoken to. This list could go on but you get the jist!
I am nearly 40 and I had never worn shorts in the UK as an adult. I had one pair of shorts which I would wear in Spain as my brain seemed to think that if not in the UK then these ‘rules’ did not apply!
Confidence emerging!
Recently, I realised that these are not rules. They are other people’s ideas and I do not have to follow them. I can wear shorts even though I am overweight and I can wear red lipstick if I want to. I can be loud and speak first when in social situations. What’s more, I refuse to be held back in life by someone else’s ideals as life is far too short.
So I started with the red lipstick and then ventured to wear a scarf in my hair (something that I had always wanted to do but feared negative judgement). Do you know what happened? Nothing! No one said anything negative. The world did not end.
Then when the heat wave started I put on some tops which I had, that I would not normally wear without a cardigan as they show my arm fat. My daughter thought I had brought new clothes as she had not seen me wear the tops before, which is crazy as I had owned the tops for about five years!
Confidence in full swing!
As I was on a roll I ordered some summer clothes from Asda and when they arrived I posted the pictures of me wearing the clothes on my Instagram stories. Something that I would of never dreamed of doing before. Again, nothing bad happened.
When I look at these pictures, yes I can see that I am fat but so what? It does not make me a horrible person or a weak person. It is just my outsides. I do not want to hide from the world anymore! I do not want to be uncomfortable every summer because I am covering my body for fear of being judged.
There will no doubt be times that I am negatively judged for my size or choice of clothes but that is on them, not me. I do not care what strangers think of me and if they are the type of people that want to bring others down then they are not my sort of people anyway.
Lessons learned
When we went crabbing I wore my shorts outside in the UK for the first time ever as an adult. I did not feel worried or embarrassed at all as I was with my family and enjoying the day. I didn’t notice any funny looks and no one said anything negative that I noticed but like I said before, I no longer care what others think.
In hindsight, I wish that it had not taken me so many years to work all of this out! The amount of young beautiful (and slim) girls I see worrying about their size and how they look really breaks my heart. I wish that society would realise how superficial judging people on their looks really is and that people would be kinder to each other.
In an ideal world I would like to be slimmer but if I never get smaller than I am okay with that. I know that I am a good person who is very caring and loving with a great family and I do not need to hide any more. I finally have the confidence to be myself and I am loving life!
How confident to be yourself and wear what you like do you feel? I would love to hear your thoughts!
