Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy. If you know people who do none of these things, let them go – Unknown.
Y is for your boundaries – do you have any?
You should have boundaries and be clear to your partner what they are right from the start of the relationship. If you do not set clear boundaries then how can you expect your partner to know what is acceptable to you in the relationship? This is similar to what your expectations are, but when we looked at expectations, we said that there was room for negotiations on some of them. Whereas when it comes to your boundaries, these are put in place to protect you, they are personal to you and can not be changed to suit others.
When thinking about your boundaries in a relationship, you need to think about what you will not accept. So, no matter how much you love the person, or how much you want them to change or believe that they can change, if they cross the line, you will take action. For example, for me, I will not accept any form of physical violence. If Darren was to physically hurt me, then he has overstepped the line and I would call the police and leave the relationship.
Now, I know that in life, the world is not black and white and sometimes things can happen which can blur the lines. However, this is still the action that I would take in the moment. Then if there was a reason for the behaviour which explained it (nothing can excuse it) then one chance could be given if plans were put in place to help ensure it would not happen again. However, if it happened again, then that would be it. No matter how much I love him, I love myself and my kids more than to put myself in a dangerous situation.
I know that it is much easier said than done but these are important to ensure your own well-being. I think it is really sad when I see people in relationships with no boundaries at all. They forgive and accept everything and it does them no good at all. The partner learns that they can get away with anything if they cry and say sorry and nothing changes. They just go round in circles full of drama and pain.
You need to put yourself first
Love can be a wonderful feeling and a good relationship can lift you to achieve more than you ever thought possible but it needs to be with the right person who values you enough to respect your boundaries. Can it really be love if someone is prepared to hurt you physically or emotionally time and time again?
Some relationships are like glass. It’s better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself more by trying to put it back together – Unknown.
This post is part of the blog series – the A-Z of a healthy and happy relationship.